Parenting - School Age    

Disciplining School-age Children

OneToughJob's Website offered this Positive Parenting tools:

Your school-age child is capable of taking an active role in setting the rules for your home and family as well as the appropriate consequences for when he breaks those rules.   Involving your child in this process will make him more likely to respect the rules. Hitting and/or yelling at your child are not effective discipline techniques. These actions teach him that violence and yelling are an appropriate response to anger or frustration.

Tips for effectively disciplining your school-age child

• Be sure "no" is not the word your child hears most often.   Positive reinforcement is important. Praise your child for good behavior so he does not see misbehavior as the only way to get your attention. Your child can be sensitive to criticism, making this kind of praise a perfect way to bolster his self-esteem.
• Remember tantrums still happen.   Try to remain calm; if you react to these tantrums your child will see them as a way to get attention. Take a deep breath and calmly tell your child that when he is ready to talk about how he feels, you are ready to listen.
• Empty threats are dangerous.   It is easy to become angry and make unrealistic threats of punishment, like "If that fighting does not stop we are never going on another car trip!"   Threats on which you cannot follow through, especially those with the word "never," will weaken the power of the realistic consequences you may use in the future.
• Manage discipline.   Your child may feel like he has little control and believes that the way to gain power is to misbehave. Constant discipline will only fuel that belief, instead, focus on giving your child positive attention when they are doing something good. This will show him that he can gain power and your attention this way, too!
• Involve your child with choices.   Sometimes the way to deal with a child who may feel like he does not have any control is to involve him in the process. Offer him an "either/or" choice so he feels he had some say in the matter. Remember a child should not always have choices. You need to decide when this is appropriate (e.g. battle over what to have for lunch, not whether or not a seatbelt needs to be worn), and make sure that you can live with either choice.

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Kids and Allowances

Teach your Children Good Money Management Skills for a Lifetime.

While kids typically learn about money and its value at school (and sometimes at daycare), how to manage money happens at home. Providing your kids with an allowance is a great tool for creating early understanding about the concept of money. Experts say that starting when a kid is old enough to identify a quarter, dime, nickel and penny as well as a $1 and $5 bill is a great time to start. Here are some quick ideas for getting started:

• Start with math money lessons. Stack coins so that a child can learn to associate that a $1 bill is the same as four quarters, 10 dimes, 20 nickels or 100 pennies. If you child can start to grasp the concept that a bigger coin doesn't mean "better" and that a dollar bill can be broken into change that equals the same amount, your child is ready for the ABCs of money.
• Start with an allowance at an early age. An allowance for a 3-year-old can be as little as two quarters each week to go toward a drink, a ride on the coin-operated horse, or piece of candy. Even a small amount of money to call their own that a young child can put into a purse or wallet lets them start the concept of worth and how things cost money.
• Establish an appropriate amount. This is where it varies greatly. Some financial experts recommend paying a child an amount equal to their age each week (a 7-year-old gets $7 each week). Others think that is too much and recommend an allowance that is half of their age. For older kids, you can calculate weekly expenses and then add some additional funds to either save or to be able to spend.
• Be consistent and firm. Remember that you are the teacher about money management, and if you say one thing and then do another, then you are teaching the child that the behavior is okay. If you tell a child that he has to use his allowance to buy a toy and then give in and buy it for him, then he has learned there are ways around saving. That's not to say you can't buy your child toys. If you plan to buy a child something, then don't tie it to his allowance. Be sure toe keep consistent and then not to give into pleas and whines for "exceptions."
• Allowance should not be tied into family responsibilities. Experts all agree on this one: do not tie allowance into family chores or responsibilities; they do these because they are contributing members of the family and not because they get rewarded financially. However, you can always offer "extra" chores for money that doesn't normally fall into the scope of chores. Having kids do extra duties for pay will help their self-worth and teach them the value of working.
• Teach them how to manage their money. It's not enough to simply give a child a billfold and ask them to keep track of their money. Smart parents will start showing them how to track expenses and weekly savings vs. a planned expense. An effective parenting tip is to install a small whiteboard in a child's room for the use of tracking savings and expenses for easy viewing and updating.
• Don't forget about raises. Once you set an allowance rate, don't forget about increasing it as a child gets older or increases responsibility levels. You expect periodic raises with work; remember, childhood is a kid's job too!
• Encourage the concept of dividing their money 4 ways: SPEND, SAVE, DONATE, and INVEST. The earlier in a child's life they master the concepts of investing, and also donating, it will be cemented into the character of their being.
• Provide your children with chore charts so they are clear about what is expected of them to reach their goals.
• Help Children save for short term goals, as well as a long term goal.

Courtesy of Robin McClure of About.com

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How to Avoid the Homework Hassles

If you are like me, sending your children off to school is a mixed blessing. Being away from home, learning new routines, and making new friends can be challenging.  Homework can also be a challenging time. We have compiled a list of ideas to help parents avoid the home work hassles and start off the school year successfully. 

•  Have Reasonable Expectations. The goal of homework at this age should be to "help kids develop good study habits and feel successful," says Harris Cooper, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Duke University. Don't assume that your child will always understand the directions, be neat, and get the right answers. Most educators agree the rule of thumb is ten minutes of homework per grade. If your child is struggling finishing in a reasonable amount of time, talk to his or her teacher.
• Create a Special Homework Spot. Make sure the area is clear of distractions, has proper lighting and materials. Older kids may benefit from having a desk in their room, while younger children may need to use the kitchen table. Make sure you are not watching TV or chatting on the phone near them.
• Timing, Timing, Timing! Find what time period works for you. Some children do better right after school, while others may prefer after dinner. Finding that key time for learning is very important.
   
• Don't Hover. Children should be able to do their homework independently, and the expectation needs to be set from the first day of school. Do not give them the answers, but rather ask questions to help them find the answers themselves. 
   
• Know When to Call in the Cavalry. Sometimes the problem with homework is due to a real learning issue, and might need professional reinforcement to help support your child. There are several learning centers and tutoring programs available. There are pros and cons to utilizing these types of services. Choosing one if any depends on your child's temperament, learning style, and needs, not to mention what you can afford. Check our database to find programs available in your area. Enter your locality and then search by category "Education."

Please always feel free to call the KidsPriorityOne Info Line at 757-CHILDREN (244-5373) for assistance.  Have a great school year!

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Beat the Heat - Head Over to Your Local Library

Take a trip to the library this summer! Not only is it a good way to beat the heat, but you can be actively involved in your child's learning. Set the stage for your family's continued engagement in literacy over the summer months. With a nice visit with us, you'll be modeling the value of reading. We all have busy schedules, but with a little time set aside for a library trip you can contribute to your child's success in the fall (reading 4 or 5 books over the summer helps to hone reading skills).

 Leisure reading is powerful. It's fun but it's also a vocabulary-rich activity. The fun part means having kids learn something in a relaxed manner. The best part is their having an adventure and they don't even know that they're learning!That's what summer reading is all about. It's casual and it's educational. It's like a stealth operation. Your child can have vocabulary gains just by doing some daily reading - just 15 minutes will do. It can be quality time you will enjoy together.  We can help. Norfolk Public Library is open all summer and you will be able to find JUST THE RIGHT BOOK to take home for every member of your family. Let's all keep those skills razor sharp. Just between you and me, I wouldn't mention that vocabulary thing.

Submitted by Terri Raymond, Norfolk Public Library.
Visit the Mary Pretlow Branch in Ocean View - or the Norfolk Public Library's website for a listing of all the branches. 

 Libraries across Hampton Roads can be found in the KidsPriorityOne database.

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LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART

Think back to when you were growing up, and all the times you felt self-doubt, confusion, and frustration. Its tough growing up! You can help your children get through the bumps and bruises of life by simply being there for them. Children need to know that the  when the whole world feels likes its crashing down around them, they have one safe, secure place to go, and one bottomless source of unconditional love.

~Listening is as much a skill as giving a speech is a skill. It's not just a matter of picking up sounds: active listening involves an array of behaviors that express your attention, empathy, and respect. Listening to your children in this way will go far toward convincing them of your unconditional love. Keep these guidelines when your child has something important to say to you.

~Put down the paper or shut the TV off. Maintain eye contact with your child. Make body contact, such as hand to shoulder.  Often when children are trying to express a problem, parents say they are listening, but there attention is somewhere else. You can't con a child this way. A few minutes of sincere listening go a long way.

~Don't jump in to give solutions or lectures. Often, children just need a sounding board. Solving your child's problem may give you the relief of ending his discomfort; but, in the long term, its worth far more to them to get the support they need to formulate solutions on their own.

~Demonstrate you are listening by  asking appropriate questions and making "listening" sounds such as "Hmm", "Oh", "Really?", and "Wow"!

~Validate your child's fears and feelings, instead of minimizing them. Its tempting to say, "Don't worry about it, or "There's nothing to be afraid of". By brushing them off, you can give your child the message that his feelings aren't important. Try to reword your statement to validate them such as, "That must be frustrating", or "It can hurt to feel left out".

~Help your child focus on solutions. Help your child use forward thinking phrases like," I bet you wish...", or "Wouldn't it be nice", or "what do you think you'll do now?'

Excerpted with permission from Elizabeth Pantley from Kid Cooperation (New Harbinger 1996)

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