Parenting - Early Childhood

Boost Your Parenting Skills....Try these tips....

At a recent Child Fair, the sign on our display table read "Positive Discipline A-Z."  Parents flocked over. "Wow...do I need this!" they decreed. 

Dr. Jane Nelson, who wrote the book by that title, is a long-trusted expert on parenting tools.  Without being a push-over, Dr. Nelson advises parents against negative reinforcement, AKA punishment. "Children do better when they feel better," she explains.  Afterall, who feels better after they've been punished?  After the moping and crying, children are at a lower level emotionally than when the punishment was doled out.  Harsh words, criticisms, raised voices, even time out, are experienced as punishment.

Nelson reminds us of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - that all of us, especially children, strive to "belong."  It is the most basic human need.  Children need reassurance that they belong to their parents and family...and that they are not at risk of being cut off from our love, protection or physical closeness. 

Regardless of a child's age, Dr. Nelson explains that most of children's undesired behaviors result from their feeling "disconnected."  This can mean, disconnected from a parent, a sibling, a friend, a teacher, etc.  "Connect before you correct," Nelson advises.  Reassure your children that, just because you're not pleased with their actions, you will always love and care about them. 

Stop Negotiating With Your Teen by Dr. Janet Sasson Edgete, is another great read. She helps parents balance "limit setting and flexibility...compassion and accountability." When setting limits, ask your teen for potential solutions to the problem at hand.  Children who are heard, even though you don't enact their solution, are more likely to accept your consequences as being fair.  Elizabeth Pantley's The No Cry Discipline Solution also comes highly recommended, especially for parenting younger children.

There are perhaps thousands of other trusted parenting tools I could recommend.  But the point is, there is so much each of us can learn about the children in our lives, and how to better foster their physical, emotional and social development.  And thousands of these resources are at our finger-tips.

This website at www.KidsPriorityOne.org is a free referral service where parents can turn to find local resources, including parenting classes.   Many, but not all of the classes are free.  There are also links to Dr. Nelson's tips and hundreds of other online resources.  Search the Community Calendar for parenting classes, family fun events and more.  The database hosts information on over 1,000 organizations serving children and families in our region.  Can't find what you're looking for, call KidsPriorityOne at (757)-CHILDREN (244-5373) or 1-800-CHILDREN.  We look forward to helping!

Brenda Garrett, M.Ed., KidsPriorityOne Director
This article is published in the April 2010 edition of The Oyster Pointer, Editor, Sylvia Weinstein

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GOT TODDLERS?

Having a little one can be a trying stage. KPO is here to help. We have compiled some helpful topics, agencies, and upcoming events that all relate to raising your little one. Enjoy!

KPO SPOTLIGHT: 

The Virginia Beach Public Schools sponsors a free Interactive Reading Bus that comes to various locations once a week to promote literacy and early learning. Think of it as a preschool on wheels! More..

 KPO CALENDAR:

Our Family and Community Calendar contains many events, classes, and workshops that can help you and your family grow closer, connect with others, and just plain have fun.

 What Is KidsPriorityOne Reading?

• The no-cry discipline solution, by ELizabeth Pantley
• Positive Discipline For Preschoolers, by Jane Nelson
• How To Talk To Kids So Kids WIll Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlish 

 We're always here to help!

• Search the database,
• Call us at 757- CHILDREN (244-5373)
  After hours 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373)
• Visit our Calendar and attend an event,
• Read, Read, Read!